I'm alive...

so the LAN didn't go so hot. long story short there was a huge power fuck up.

in other news, i have learned that actions truly do speak louder than words.

as a result i am absoultely furious at Jay and hope for his benefit he doesn't show up any time soon...

however nath has managed to endear himself even further to me. i am always going to love that boy.

oh... and LISA HAD THE BABY! Breanna was born August 29, weighing a whopping 9.5 pounds!

yay... so there was a random update for you...

So Nath's demanding updates...

that is to say he's checked twice recently and had no updates. He only checks if I tell him to as well... so its defintely time I wrote some more!

Not that there's much to tell. I've been working, and then coming home and chilling to music or going to the gym after work.

Had some time with Nath too :) nice to get some time with ya best mate. (Do it more often people!)

Otherwise nothing is new. I'm sinking comfortably into a new routine of work, gym and sleep, with the occasional social visit or singign lesson thrown in.

Mum's 50th birthday is soon in other news, so there will be a party... and Ryan will get to meet my rellies! Oh dear... :S

Going now... *ciao!*

I have learned more...

Guilt may be a powerful aphrodisiac. But love is more powerful still.

I have learned...

Guilt is a powerful aphrodisiac.

That is all.

Love Is Just A State Of Mind

“Well you've got me standin' deaf and blind...cause I see love as just a
state of mind...and who knows what it is that we might find...if we try.” – Don McLean

“Dreams unwind
Love's a state of mind
Your dreams unwind
Love's a state of mind” - Fleetwood Mac

See… now I don’t want love to be just a state of mind. Because if it is, I guess it means I’m imagining how happy I am when Ryan cuddles me. It would also mean I’m imagining the joy when the first thing I see every morning is his face. Not to mention how good it feels when he holds my face or my neck when he kisses me. I couldn’t deal with this not being real. It’s all too nice and comfortable. And if it isn’t real… what is?

And Don McLean and Fleetwood Mac aren’t the only musicians to claim love is a state of mind. The Bryan Adams and some guy called Roy Clark sang the same thing…

Answer me this… if love truly is a state of mind, why can you not just switch it off, the same way you can just go “no, I’m being too angry about this, calm down some?” Why does a state of mind affect you so much you can laugh or cry, basically do a complete emotional 180 at the mention of it? There is nothing else that does that so powerfully.

State of mind… bah… then why can I be so confused about something and not be able to put it out of my mind if its truly a state….?

Sorry to disappoint you Don, it’s a beautiful saying but I just can’t agree.

Things Miranda didn't know...

That 3 phone lines can ring 11 times in 4 minutes. Usually simultaneously and that I could handle them all while not swearing, and trying to fix a very broken fax. (stupid paper jam... and Mark! TURN YOUR FAX ON! TAKES 5 MINUTES TO REJECT A NON CONNECTTION WHEN YOUR FAX IS OFF! 5 MINUTES I CAN'T SEND ANOTHER FAX!!!)

That I would actually give a serious enough of a damn personally and emotionally about what Nath and I were talking about the other day (and in my previous post) to decline to offer advice on the grounds of being too biased, and being confused about my head and my hearts' simultaneous messages. Yeah... jealous Miranda still lives.

It's too hard to go into without letting everyone know what's going on, and privacy still sucks lol. See cutie, I respect you? Gah... I can't explain it! But I have worked out my brains thinking on it and why I am jealous about this whole situation.

What else didn't I know? I've forgotten...

Anyways random random random... goodnight.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Miranda... jealous?

That's right folks, I actually felt a pang of jealousy this afternoon. Nothing huge mind you... but there was a definte twinge in my stomach (and for a brief, pleasant second it had nothing to with the period cramps) and after much thought I've realised it was jealousy.

Nath told me something (and out of respect for him I am not going to mention it I don't know who he's told, and a few people he knows read this blog.) Privacy sucks yadda yadda, so no gossip for you! And it actually made me jealous.

Now I'm not quite sure whether it was his feelings about the whole situation, or the fact that there was that situation or what...

But you happy now babe? Jealous!

RIP Harrison and Lars

Two of my mice died today. Which is really sad. And I'm kind of confused why, they were fine yesterday but today they were covered in mites. I can treat mice mites with a specific spray, assuming I had found any to spray.

When I woke up, I noticed Lars looked funny, and when I picked him up I realised he was dead, so I shuffled everything around to find poor old Harrison who was really sick. He was shaking and having a hard time breathing so I shook off all the mites (and there were literally thousands of them!) and made him as comfortable as I could. He seemed to be getting better for a little while, because he had a drink and seemed more alert, but then he was getting sleepier and having trouble standing.

Ryan and I had to go out then, so I picked Harrison up and held him and patted the white patch on his head the way he liked and said goodbye to him, then I put him down, he had a big stretch and just curled up.

I'm really glad he was so peaceful right then, because he'd been so uncomfortable before. But I've never actually been there when one of my mice has died before (well... awake and watching) and I was surprised with how calm I was. I haven't even cried, and I had a good hour of sobbing when Maynard died.

I mean I am sad, but being there to say goodbye to him and knowing he'd been comfortable as possible and having his head rubbed the way he liked it just ebfore he died makes it less sad.

Rest in peace Lars and Harrison... I will miss you both.

TGIF!

Well I have about 20 minutes before I need to go to work so I thought I'd do a quick update.

TGIF! I mean, I'm used to work, and enjoy it, and the hours are great (C'mon getting out of bed at 7.30 am and still having time to blog because work is so close... sweet or what?) but I just need a break from doing anything for a couple of days. I'm a bit worn out because of some rotten cold thing that I've had for the last 2 or 3 days. My tonsils have been huge and I have been living on custard. I am still a bit crappy today, but am no longer convinced that I am dying. Must be the cocktail of medicines I have been using.

There's nothing hugely new to report... Oh, Iris has now reached the halfway point in filling bookings so it looks promising! and Redrum have finally finished remixing a couple of songs, and they sound pretty damned sweet!

Anyway I need to get to work.... ciao.

Edit 5/08/06 - Thanks to Anon for pointing out the dodgy link, turns out I can't spell!