OMG Woot!

My Learner's Permit just arrived! Hurray, now I actually have the peice of plastic that says I can drive. (I mean I had that little paper thing that said I could before... but it didn't really feel real)

AND.... It's a nice photo! :)

Stay off the road people... I'm on my way!

And at the end of it all...

you're still just a stupid little girl....

You're sure everything is under control and you know which way is up, and what's what. And suddenly nothing's quite right anymore, and even with all the questions in your mind, your heart won't even grant you the ability to work out what it is you feel.

Then, when the world stops spinning, when you stop falling and finally land hard, when everything suddenly becomes painfully clear, you realise at the end of it all, you're still just a stupid little girl.

(I've long wondered about a friend's MSN name, "Still just a stupid little girl" and why she uses it. I still don't know what it is to her personally, but at the same time, I understand completely.)

A Test For Nath...

I've been on Nathan's back for a couple of days now to check my blog profile, because of the random question I've chosen to answer, and something random he unwittingly said regarding toasting marshmallows the same day I did it. However, he has not yet checked my blog profile, and know he knows there is a special post JUST for him, he will have to come here, and being as I have not supplied him with a direct profile link, he must go via this page... :) I am devious.

Anyways Nath, this is just for you! Love ya cutie! xoxox

Woot for new Time Zone!

Finally worked out where I change my time zone, no more posting at 3am for me! (well I have done a couple of 3am posts, but it said something odd, more like 8am) My timezone is correct now :)

Also... TGIF! Sleeping tomorrow + maybe seeing mum, and then hanging with Nath and seeing a movie on Sunday.

Have a wonderful weekend folks!

Disclaimer: Contains gyno talk...

close the window if the topic of Pap Smears grosses you out...




So Pap smears... what's the big deal? I just had my first one today... not at all uncomfortable. Not pleasant either, but it certainly didn't hurt. Kinda like unexciting sex with a guy who has a small dick actually :P "oh, there's something there... anyways... how bout that local sports team?" Seriously... a random bit of pressure, and some kinda odd sensation during the chylamidia smear - not a necessity and I am sure nothing will come of it but may as well make sure nothing is down there that shouldn't be - (must have been the really long cotton bud in... repeat *IN* my cervix... wasn't expecting that lol!)

I even wore pretty socks for the Dr! :)

But yeah... not at all the drama I've heard it can be. Didn't hurt, wasn't uncomfortable, literally, took like 2 minutes, if that. See what I mean about unexciting sex :P?

A Very Bad Idea

Many people these days have taken to keeping diaries, or on-line diaries also known as weblogs, I too have followed this increasingly popular trend, but after trail and error on my behalf, I have discovered my keeping a blog or a diary is not so fruitful as it appears to be for other people.

“It’s not that hard” I hear you say, but yet, I seem to have trouble, and any reader of my blog, however lacking in brain cells he or she may be would agree that it is a Very Bad Idea for me to keep a blog!

I forget them!
I diligently keep the diary/blog fairly updated and in beautiful order for maybe a month or so (though with Nath as an avid reader I have been quite well behaved recently) and then forget them, leaving them to go stale in cyber space, updating only when (IF) I remember too. I have two previously abandoned blogs, and several abandoned RL diaries. What makes anyone think I can successfully keep another… seriously? I, Miranda dare break the reputation of disorganized and lazy to do something constructive, and make use of my memory to remember something better than Alan Alda’s birthday (January 28)? BAH! Who are you fooling? Not me.

I lead a VERY boring life!
Well, I’m sure there is someone out there who would consider my life more exciting than theirs, but I have yet to meet you, I’m sure I’d LOVE to swap. 90% of my time involves working, sleeping too much, eating, surfing the net or other computer time, and spending time with my beloved. Seriously folks, the last time I left the house was to go to the doctors… and the time before that was to go to work. The last time I actually went somewhere I chose… was… was… a while ago! Now who wants to hear a blow-by-blow account of my day?

I seem to think I should put “worthy” entries in a public blog…? WTF?
Hmm… I am extremely random, and most of my thoughts and things that I would put in a diary are one-sentence entries that have little to do with anything, and tell me honestly, would YOU get excited about seeing a new entry in my diary to find that it is three words, seemingly chosen at random? “FREE THE ALPACAS” sure isn’t going to inspire awe or win me a Pulitzer prize, so I decide not to post, waiting until something note-worthy occurs, and seeing as I stated above I have a fairly unexciting life, that rarely happens.

I am rather screwed up
Actually very. Disgustingly paranoid, and hypersensitive to be honest. Hells bells, my English teacher once suggested I talk to the school counselor about something she read, when she asked us to write a diary entry about a past experience and other random shit. I don’t want to inflict that on my readers, so taking out my just plain unusual and downright creepy mannerisms and things, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of me to write about.

I ramble incessantly and have the attention span of a newt…
There’s only one way to put it. I am disgustingly long-winded. I seriously never shut up. I mean, everyone says that I could talk through wet cement. Well, not EVERYONE, mum does at any rate, Fungus just says I never stop talking. He’s nice about it. Sometimes I think he likes my rambling, specially when he’s trying to sleep, reckons it bores him to sleep. He’s joking right? I hope he’s joking. Mind you, he can talk too, he can spend a good couple of hours at his sister's place when he was "only going to be a few minutes" I'm the same when it comes to shopping though... especially when I'm on a retail therapy splurge...

See? I told you so. I can’t stick to one topic for very long, and most of my topics are utter crap! Who wants to read an entry about a whole bunch of crap that spewed from my fingertips? No one, precisely.


So why, oh why do I keep a blog? Good question, I’m not sure. It could be a trend thing, but I never was much of a (martyr before and I ain’t bout to start nothing new) sheep and I never do things just because they’re “cool”. The mystery eludes even the smartest of smart.

However as it has been proven for you above, it is a Very Bad Idea that I keep a blog, it is now that I can disclaim any responsibility for insanity that may occur to you, if you dare venture into the depths of my blog.

Wank factor = High....

A car's numberplate that I saw today...

BALSAX

Seriously...

Onto a topic I soooo shouldn't be thinking about...

Baby names. I'm not pregnant, nor do I intend to be any time soon (just renewed my pill perscription for another year) Tertia started it, and now it has me thinking. (Also I figure this will be better than some long boring angry rant anyway.)

I am a self-confessed baby name freak. I've been picking names since I can remember. Alison, Faye, Willow, Skye, Jordan, Justin, Clara.... all these names have come and gone on my list of "must name my future child" (I am still partial to Alison though, after my aunt) and now I have a whole list of new ones, a few of which I expect will stay on the list.

Right now I like:

Reina (female, Ray-na) It is Spanish for small queen. Ryan liked Rei (but as I will explain later it does not fit my "naming rules" It is also a nice way of naming my future daughter (I will, nay I MUST have at least one daughter) after her future father as Ryan means little prince. Assumign things go shit, and Ryan is not the father, Reina would leave the list as it is 'our' name.

Abigail which would most likely stay as a middle only. For my mum, Gail who would kill me if I christened a daughter Gail, as she hates that name. Would be shortened to Abby if it was given as a first.

Natalie for Nathan. Nuff said. (If i get an abundance of Y chromosomes Nathan would become a middle.... another 'naming' rule)

Kaylie (Like Haylie with a 'K') spelt this way purely to annoy Nath, also I think it is pretty. However unless for some bizarre reason Nath was the father I would not use that name it is 'his' name. In which case if there was a Nathranda runnign around she would have to be spelled Kaylee... there is no way I would win that argument.

Caitlyn mum wanted to call me this, and I have always thought it was pretty. I do not however like Caitlyn Fullerton it rhymes. (Another naming rule)

Kathryn (spelling not optional) after a very close friend of mine, would probably shorten to Katie, which I also think is nice. Would not however settle for just Katie.

Alison For my aunt, however if it became a first I would shorten it as a nickname to Ally. Alison Fullerton rhymes also... that is bad.

Julia/Juliet after Ryan's mother, as a middle only. I think it is a gorgeous name.

Winona would be shortened to Noni, for my grandmother who I call Noni (assuming, god forbid she had died by then)

Bridie (spelling optional Brydie is nice too..) just a pretty Celtic name I like.

That's a lot of girls... I don't even know if Ryan likes half of those. Although Reina and Natalie my two main contenders are also his favourites.

Onto boys...there are two names as a must, James and Hamish, both are family names. Hamish would become a middle only though. I do not like the name enough to make it a first, however it is special and I do want it to stay in the family. David (Ryan's father) is also necessary due to their naming traditions.

There are few boy names I actually really like. I guess they just don't seem to have the same 'ring' as girls names do for me.

Charlie. Don't question this. I just like Charlie Fullerton. Particularly Charlie James Fullerton.

Nathan/iel as I said if I don't get my Natalie, Nathan or Nathaniel (what Nath wants his name to be) would become a middle. Charlie Nathaniel sounds ace. However I am aware that if I ever intend to use Nathan or Nathaniel as a middle name I must first also approve the first name with the namesake. (As I would have to with Natalie and the middle name. Fortunatley he likes Natalie Abigail)

So yeah, they're the boy's names I like.

I am iffy about Lachlan.... every child named Lachlan I have ever met has been... well feral. (Including my father apparently) However I would feel bad about naming Abigial and Julia and David and not using Lachlan. Perhaps spelling Lachlyn/Locklyn or something as a girl's middle... though with Reina Juliet and Natalie Abigail, I need to have another girl... Brydie Locklyn, Winona Locklyn... meah... I'll think about that one.

Naming rules... well that's just too long to post now, I need to sleep. Will do that later on.

The bad side to blogging...

I love having a blog, it is so much easier for me to use than to have an actual diary to write in, I never remember to keep those. It's a good way for me to remember random little things that happen, and to keep people who I don't stay in touch with updated more often.

The bad side is that it is a public blog, and people I know in RL, Nath, Fungus and Jamie for example read it, which means I find that I am often censoring what I want to say. Partly because there is stuff one or all of my readers do not need/want to know about me, and partly because there is stuff about them that they may not want other people knowing. (Hence the whole being extremely vague about Nathan thing)

Gah... maybe I should just start a completely private blog. But I enjoy having readers, I like the occasional comments and feedback that I get from people. (BTW, feel free to share this blog with anyone you know who would enjoy even a specific post) But by the same token, the one thing I want to blog about... (hell shout from the rafters if could) would bring the world crashing down in so, so many ways, if any of the aforementioned readers got wind of it.

If only I could succesfully keep a diary...

So much has happened...

and yet when anything huge happends, I rarely blog it. Though Nathan, the one how bitches he never gets to know what is going on because I don't blog has been hearing all of it as soon as it happens anyway... he's the main reason i spend time blogging sometimes.

I don't know where to begin... I am no longer angry at jay. i still don't think that he holds anything i say in much regard at all... but that is how he will always be. he actually called to talk to me about it the other night. niether one of us said sorry, but it seems to be cool now. And keeping things cool between us for the sake of his best mate and the love of my life (Fungus) is important.

Interesting... and Nicole could never try and be nice to him for my sake....

My beautiful dog Murphy had to be put down on Thursday. :( He'd been sick for a while, and it turns out he'd had bowel cancer. I am going to miss him immensely.

Nathan copped that first hand, came and got me from work when I found out. He's never seriously seen me cry before, and honestly I'm not sure he knew what to do with me, he seemed a bit uncomfortable. I think that's just a difference in our personal space thing, I am far more touchy-feely than he is, especially when upset.

It turns out one of dad's friends from school died earlier this year as well, though we didn't find out till recently. I only met George once, but he rocked, he was a really funny, nice guy, made his own Guinness stuff at home, and never took any shit from dad! It is very sad at the moment, with so many people (and animals) I liked dying. Good thing I am not an emo or I would believe they are dying to get away from me :P

I think I forgot to mention I am no longer jealous about everything that was happening with Nath. I am more or less happy for him... though still feel extremely protective, especially with everything being not hugely certain. It remains obvious however, that unless everyone loves him as much as I do, that they are completely crazy in my eyes.

Mum just rang, nothing huge to report... the choir concert yesterday went well. Ryan did the sound, and I videoed. We are going to make DVDs for the choir of the concert. It should be brilliant! :)

Otherwise I really think that's everything I can report here without causing major dramas... (why did I tell RL people about this...?:P)

Keep smilin people, I am!

I am an emotional person...

There's no two ways about it. In a single secomd I can experience elation with complete enthusiasm and intensity, enjoying the moment and riding on the high. In the same second I will be crashing down, hitting the bottom hard and continuing to fall.

I am the same with my friends. I love you dearly, but the passion and love I feel so strongly for you can quickly turn to irritation, and for a few brief seconds I might actually be angry, even at the one I love most. In the next few seconds however, the storm subsides and I'm back to loving you as much as ever.

I am a never-ending roller-coaster, and anyone who knows me will know this. Anyone who puts up with it is even more amazing than even the best song writers could describe.

Which is why my respect, unlike my love as I am a loving person, is reserved for a certain few. Those few who know me and love me just as I am, those who respect me, and those who I love so fiercely that it can even seem scary.

To those few, I am a mother bear with her cubs, I would do anything to make them happy, and anything to keep them safe.

You guys mean the world to me, and you know who you are.... I love you.

Yay for allergies....

so turns out something outside is blossoming... and it hit me in teh face like a tonne of bricks... fark! itchy and sneezy.

and now i've taken my hayfever pills... and now i can't have any booze tonight when i go play pool. fark!

and once more with feeling... FARK