Wednesday, October 14, 2009

As you might have noticed...

I am well past the point of being tactful, diplomatic and caring about your situation, and said this is the last time I want to hear about it or will say anything of it but just a few points I feel I missed, so that I can close Pandora's Box again. (Because hey, I'm never done w/out a blog post)

  • This thing with your uncle does not affect you. I'm not saying your dad was right to do what he did, but it's between your dad & his brother.

  • The way I see it, your uncle only rang you to start more shit and spread gossip. Don't play into his games.

  • Speaking of things that don't affect you. It's none of your business to worry about whether I'm on the pill, or whether I'm an unmarried mother. You're not the one who may end up having a child because of a decision I am making, and you sure as hell aren't proposing to me.

  • Oh, and by the way, it is HELLISHLY insulting to have you worrying about that shit. You can barely look after yourself properly, and yet you're worrying about a decision I have made with a lot more experience, research and thought? You may be older chronologically, but that doesn't mean I can't make my own decisions carefully and appropriately for me.

  • This is a real-world issue again, you have NO idea how things actually work. Unmarried mothers do fine. Women use contraceptive pills for YEARS without falling pregnant. Don't use a couple of sensationalised media stories to make generalisations about your friends, in a situation you know NOTHING about.

  • Your Dad may not be the nicest person in the world, yet you seem to be willing to hurt him just to side with the majority. Make up your OWN mind.

  • If it were up to you, you would have NEVER moved out. Giving you that kick start to actually experience the real world and do things on your own was the right move from your Dad. The way he went about it was a unfair, but I agree with his decision.

  • Speaking of the real world, we do not live in a movie. Not everything has a happy ending like the Brady Bunch. Accept this.

  • You're wasting time being bitter and upset about something you can no longer change. The house has sold. You have moved house. Get over it.

  • Speaking of the real world again, you are so out of touch with it, it's not funny. You are not nearly as hard up as you think, but you are making it harder for yourself by your refusal to let go of the past, and to make positive changes even if they are hard ones.

  • Your dad may have been unreasonable and rude. But a) he wasn't rude to you and b) in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing anyway. Not to mention if that is the worst thing he has ever done, then you are lucky.

  • You're almost 30 by the way. The time has come to stop blaming your parents for every single thing that happens to you. You are to blame for how hard you are finding things. C is to blame for making the situation worse, and you in turn are to blame for how bad it's gotten by not growing some balls and telling her to shape the fuck up or ship the fuck out.

  • Oh yeah, and it's not rude or chauvinistic to give an ultimatum like that when C's behaviour has been rude, unreasonable, manipulative, disrespectful, and completely uncaring to how it made you feel.

  • And in case you were wondering about my hard line last night. It was a vicious cycle that was going no where, I was sick of it and someone had to take a bigger step to get things to change... so I did. Sound like a familiar situation, a vicious cycle going no where that you're sick of?

  • You need to understand that no matter how many sickeningly sweet lines you can come up with, about how her laugh lifts your heart or her smile brightens your day, or whatever other corny, clich├ęd lines you choose, it doesn't excuse her making you feel like shit for so long. She is not a perfect princess, and she is at fault for a lot of this, regardless of who took the first wrong step.

  • Not to mention bringing this crap that is between your uncle and your father into the shit with C. It will only justify her actions, and give her more reason to continue acting in the small minded, pious way she has been. In turn making you feel worse about the situation.

  • And don't think she won't use it against you. She has already been using her beliefs about unmarried couples to increase the drama, which was unrelated to the reason she was angry with your dad in the first place. What's to stop her using this shit too?

  • Oh yeah, and the manipulative little power games she's been playing. Constantly talking about moving to QLD, and asking if you'd go too? Just a game. She has no intention of moving. Testing the waters to see just how much she has you eating out of her hand is all. You don't want her to leave so you bend over backwards even further to make her happy.

  • And your birthday party, how is she going to cope with that one? By not going to that like she has everything else? A girlfriend who is willing to forgo their bf's 30th birthday just because they can't suck it up and be civil to his parents for ONE FRIKKIN NIGHT is not a girlfriend worth having.

  • Grow some balls, and some self-respect while you're at it. I absolutely reamed you last night and you barely stood up for yourself. If you can't stand up to a friend, how can you stand up to your girlfriend? Anyone who respects themselves and their family would not put up with their other half calling their father an asshole and senile, and causing a situation which has you in tears. A partner who makes you feel that sad and miserable all the time is not worth your time. Respect yourself and start making changes that reflect that.

  • The reason why "nothing else in the world matters" when you're with her is because you're both too scared to confront any of the real issues between you. Again, self respect and balls will help immensely. Stop pretending that everything is perfect for half an hour, and nut out some of this shit that is causing you so much pain.

  • And I know it might not end well. And yes, I know that's scary and painful. But really, something needs to change, and if neither C nor your father are willing to come around. You need to be the one to make the decision for them. For you.

  • And back to the situation with your father and your uncle. You claim to have lost all respect for him. What about his respect for you when he realises his SON has sided with his brother, without even finding out what his story is? You claim you will keep in touch with him 'in a father-son' aspect, but with that attitude, you will quickly find yourself being even further isolated from your father than you are now, and you won't be the one calling the shots.

  • Instead of making up your own mind, you've gone with the first side of the story you've heard, and and without making allowances for other people. C's being offended with your family for example. They are outspoken people, and to them it was not rude, and they are of a different generation where that kind of discussion was not discriminatory or politically incorrect. They cannot know they were offensive if C did not tell them.

  • Continuing with the generation gap, your father is nearly 50 years older than C, in his mind he has the right to demand respect from her and you before he returns the favour. He is in a different mindset to how things work now, and it is up to you to realise that and teach C this if you ever want things to come around, instead of flogging a dead horse by getting him to apologise. C needs to be the bigger person in this, and instead you are letting her be small minded and petty.

  • By the way, he is very unlikely to apologise for selling the house and having you move either. It was the right decision for him, and bar your resistance to make things work for you, it was the right choice for you.

  • Drop the 'poor me my life is turning to shit' act. It doesn't make you sympathetic, just pathetic. A 30yo who can't cope with living on his own, doing his own shopping and being responsible for his finances each week? There is NOTHING to have sympathy for there, just a serious 'grow the fuck up and deal with it' mentality. People who are 10 or 12 years younger than you manage this stuff better than you.

  • Oh, and when you ask for advice on how to make this stuff easier? If you're going to ignore it and complain when everything gets worse, WHY ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE? I have given you suggestions, hints and god knows what from the 5 minute quick fixes to the long term plans, and you haven't taken one of them on board.

  • And just in case you think I'm being unreasonable, I get that advice may not be taken, but when it is so consistently ignored, and laughed off with a lame excuse instead of even tried ONCE, after I have spent HOURS OF MY TIME counselling you about this, I have every right to be angry.

  • Open your eyes and take a look at all the things you have the chance to experience and learn now. The glass may not be full, but there's always something in it. You are making everything harder on yourself with your pessimistic attitude. Of course you are lonely, no one wants to talk to you because everything is doom & gloom. You sabotage your own friendships with your behaviour and negative attitude.

  • Speaking of negative attitude, you went out with her on Saturday, and the first thing your FB status says and you tell me, was not "Had a wonderful time out with C" but "Got sunburnt" This is what I mean about the negative attitude. You find the bad in all situations, but never the good. And if that was the first thing you felt the need to tell people, it makes me question if you are really happy with her.

  • Back to C and her stubbornness about giving your dad a second chance, what happens the first time you accidentally upset her, is she going to take the same hard-line "I don't want to see such a horrible person anymore" attitude with you? Do you really want to spend the rest of forever tiptoeing around just in case you do something wrong?

  • If you're wondering why I'm saying "your family" instead of "your dad & H" it's because H is your family, whether you like it or not. They're getting married next year, and she is your step mother. You still might think it's all too soon, but instead of stressing about this situation you can't change, you need to accept this and move onto the ones you can.
I'm beginning to repeat myself a little now, so I think I'm pretty well done. Done with this topic and done with your crap. I don't want to hear about it any more.

They say at the end, all that was left with Pandora was hope, and to continue on this analogy, I hope you take some of this to heart, and make some serious changes.

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